Swimming
This Article brought a lot of attention to an issue that is huge in the swimming world. I bet that you think I am going to say suits. I am not. I am going to talk about my world as a swimmer than as a parent in the swimming world. Sit back this might be long winded.
I started swimming as a competition swimmer in 1988. I had an AMAZING coach that I loved very much. We will call her Sue. She was willing to take the time with me, new to the water, and teach me all amazing 4 strokes. She had an even temperament and was cool (kind of) under the pressure of athletes, teachers, students, other coaches, administration, and most of all parents.
I was the biggest girl on the team at a whopping 118 pounds. I was curvy in all the right places. But the team was so small that they didn’t have a suit that fit me. So I was in a dreaded old team suit that was all red. Chlorine had done a number on it and let us be honest. Solid red is not good in water. It was see through. I mean completely see through. I swam that whole year in the suit. And not once did I get disqualified. I have no idea if the coaches were talked to. They never shared it with me. BUT there was a person on deck… we will call him BOB. Bob is still part of the swimming world today. He used to make rude comments about me in that suit. And when I went back into competition at 33 he was still there and I felt awkward about my body. Something I thought I had gotten over.
I have to be honest here. I thought I was comfortable in my own skin. But those words of his were still with me. And every time I got on the block I was scared he was looking to see what he could see. The body shaming he created for me was still there… 15 years latter. While I was swimming and coaching with usa swimming I watched other parents (including myself) tell girls to pick the suit out of their butt’s. Not only is it uncomfortable, we are setting examples for the future of swimming. How many girls did I ruin?It is a thought that is in my head everyday. They were little from 6-18. How many did I create the same body issue for?
Fast forward a moment to my own children. A son that Learned to swim at 13. Joined the club swim… was the slowest man out there. I yelled and cheered as he was the fastest he had ever been. Everyday and every meet he continued to best himself. That is what I wanted. Most of all for him to have a positive experience. But that was not to happen for him. It was great for a while but than it crashed around him. During the summer between his freshman and sophomore years something happened in the club swim that damaged us as a family.
I had been coaching the adult team and things beyond my understanding, underhanded things, began to happen. I was asked to no longer volunteer with USA swimming. The board made the decision to make me a payed employee. Where I thought that was positive, I soon found out it wasn’t. Bob had found a back door to get me thrown out. I was no longer part of the team. I could accept that. Even though I wasn’t sure why.
My little dragonflies were still swimming on the team. Things were only getting more heated. With Bob saying mean and horrible things. Going through my purse. Singling out my children and making spectacles of them. Having double standards for my children vrs. The others. We were asked (that is being polite. We were TOLD ) to leave and not come back. Something they did to the kids sent my husband over to the school to talk to “Bob” he decided to call the police on my husband after my husband said he was a “shitty coach” (I was not there. I spoke to those that were and talked to the operator to find out what the call said. {a parent is here upset and has every right to be} said by an employee not BOB)
We had a meeting with the school. Because the club rents the pool from the school the administration was brought into it. This meeting was not to look at everything that happened to my children it was to shame us. They banned us from all schools in the district for life. No matter that my children were students there or not. I was allowed to got to pt conferences IF I had a police escort. It was humiliating infuriating and demoralizing.
Fast forward again…. my son now in his junior year still swimming high school. “Bob” still there with “Kathy” and my son is on the block for a huge 200 yard free. These two look up give him thumbs up and he is off the block. His two best friends are watching near the two adults. They start to cheer my son on…. than listen to the two adults. “I don’t know why that boy still swims he will never be good. He will never be faster.” “And look at his back the big hump there. My god its ugly….”
Son finishes…. goes to talk to the coaches. And they say WOW you did GREAT…. best friends. “That’s not what you said while he was in the water. You said….. and they repeated.”
My son was crushed. Didn’t tell me for months. It was when he refused to swim his senior year and I demanded to know why. When he told me, my heart ripped into a thousand pieces. There was nothing I could do. I reached out. I spoke to the powers… and they said they had the full story from the adults and that what I had to say wasn’t going to be heard. Because. It was a personal vendetta.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
These two were coaching my diabetic at that time. And there was body shaming about how skinny my child was. About how the child just had to have juice on deck but wasn’t allowed to meter check. “I refuse to help! I wont touch that child’s dirty blood.” That’s what gloves are for. “Kathy” said this in front of other kids. When I went to the school nurse he shook his head. Asked me (just looking at my face) what did “Kathy” and “Bob” do this time? Upset that such a thing was said, he went down to set them strait. Because HE, the school nurse was the only advocate my child could have.
Now we have a child with body issues… who thinks that they have dirty blood. And still I was not allowed to talk to the administrators….
so here is what I have to say about the article above. GOOD ON YOU FOR HAVING REACHED OUT AND GOTTEN THE SUPPORT THEY NEEDED.
Congrats to the parent, you were able to get national attention on the body shaming going on on deck by not other kids… but by the coaches, parents, and officials. Anchorage Daily News gave an article with the review from the board about what happened and a release from the anchorage school.
I am happy for this one girl. That a wrong was righted. But what about the swimmer that isnt the fastest? The ones like my kids….? The ones that have a district and swim community that hides what they are doing and wont even let a parent THAT IS THE FIRST ADVOCATE for them be heard. There was no paper or blogger willing to write about our issues. There was no one willing to listen and help fight for my kids. They were not the fastest one on the team. They were never going to go to state. They were never going to be on the Olympics team….. BUT
They could have loved swimming their whole lives. And Bullies took that away.
there is more to our story. But if you want more… you will have to ask me personally. I will only share this much here.
so today when you walk around remember this.
Authority can never
take the place of
Leadership
What we are teaching our kids will follow them. If you are a bully… your kids are watching, they will either be one also … or they will chose to rise above and be better than you… be an advocate.
DF out
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