Life and death
I live in the world of death. Every day. Day in, day out, 7 days a week.
I bet your wondering what that means.
I work hospice type care. Most people don’t meet me until the end days. I learn everything about this person mainly from the loved ones that surround them. This summer I’ve helped 6 families with the passing of someone most dear to them. In the process I too have fallen in love. Not only with the wonderful person/people I help pass over. But also with the families that surround them.
It’s different for me when it is someone that I love before they are in this place, letting go of their earthly bodies. It’s harder. More difficult to see the family through. More difficult to help the loved one let go.
For the past 3 weeks I’ve sat and waited for her laugh. Waited for her to yell. Waited for her to know without a doubt that I’m there.
For a while, I left this line of work to live in the living. To be with people I thought were going to be easier to work with. I found out. That in myself lyes the ability to love those passing on easier and better than those that are living and think they know better.
I found my strength.
Some even call me the angel of death.
You might think that’s a horrible title. I don’t. Because when you see me walking up your path. You will know that you are going to get the best care you could ever imagine. I will make your tea the way you like it until you can no longer swallow. I will bathe you everyday. Even on the day you leave this world.
I will hold you when you are scared. I will leave my hand where you can reach out when you struggle to breathe. I will help you know that everyone here is just fine….letting go is acceptable.
The world of the living isn’t as forgiving. They are angry at the world more often than not and take it out on you everyday. Your work is never good enough. In the world of death….. Just being close is often more than they could ask for.
So as I sit here and watch someone I have loved for 25years struggle to stay here… I tear up and tell them….
Everyone here is fine. We will move on and do amazing things and remember you always. You will never be far from my thoughts. It’s okay to let go.
I watch her as I’ve watched so many before talk to people gone on long before her. I ask…do you have a lot of visitors?
She shakes her head Yes.
Continue to talk with them. I’m here if you need anything. But it’s okay to go be with them.
She shakes her head Yes.
When I leave today. I’m not sure how many days are left. I venture to guess maybe a week. Maybe less. Maybe more.
I’ll be back in the morning to love her through again.
I know as an angel of death….she will be happy. No longer in pain. No longer struggling. Happy to see her loved ones on the other side.
She has had my heart for25 years. And today my heart aches.
Me
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