06-2006 – June
Wow it has been a hard two days. Mr.Fly has been so tired. He wore himself out when he went fishing. His brother said that he was tired as well. All day on Sunday… Hubby slept. He was exhausted. Couldn’t get up to eat even. So we left him to rest on the couch of his moms house while we all were out running around having fun.;) I made sure that he got all his meds. I also made sure that he drank his liquid food here and there. Trying to keep up his energy to sleep. You have no idea how many calories that takes. It is really a lot. For him he burns over 1,000 calories in bed. NOT moving at all… every single day. So I have to keep at least that many in him or he looses weight.
He has a bad bout with depression right now. The man that has provided for this family every single day. No matter how hard it was for him to get to work, no matter how tired he was…. He was there…. and he worked hard. He is having heart problems with the fact that he isn’t at work for his family. Providing for us. I told him I am luckiest woman in the world….. He said….
“ sometimes I wonder if that is really true.”
My answer “ Darling there are not many women in the world that can say the LOVE of their life, Loves them too….. I can. You love me… with ever fiber of who you are. You tell me that all the time. Other women in the world, They don’t get that… they live their whole life either looking for it … or setteling for less…. I didn’t… I was blessed with you.”
He is in bed now…. resting. Hopefully better than he was earlier.
He is really battling with himself. Upset with himself because he is not providing. He is upset because he is worthless…. He is upset because he is sick. He is upset because he is WAY to young to die.
Well I have one thing to say to you honey,
You are NONE OF THESE THINGS….. other than to young to die. And you wont…. you wont die today… or tomorrow. You told me you wouldn’t let this kill you. Soooooo…. you are stuck with me…. that is right. I am not done tormenting you and giving you hell… you have so much more of me to have to deal with. So dear. Just remember that when you are sleeping tonight….( oh crap this could take a turn the other way on me real fast. LOL)
I love you babe. We all do. You are going to make it through this is just going to be long and hard. I love you with all my heart. MUAH!
It seems as though if we stay home and the hubby is not traveling on a flight… that his treatment days go easier. He was pretty sick this time… . But nothing that a little meds didn’t help and he didn’t puke just was nauseas. So he is was doing well enough to help out for 30 min. on the habitat build next door. He went over and screwed in a few decking boards. He looked so happy…. he misses doing a lot of the little things. But right after that he slept for 3 hours. LOL
Now onto today….. “I wanna go fishing. My brother and I are going to go…. cool with you?”
Me “Yup I will get the cooler and all your meds ready.”
So I got them all packed all they needed to do was pick up the canoe and head on out. They are on their way for some trout. I am sure that they will have a great time doesn’t matter if they catch anything of not. They will be having time together …. bonding.
Now when Hubby’s brother got here… It cracked me up. Come on in I dais… he is sleeping still taking his nap waiting for you to get here…. Hubby whipped the drool off stood up and said…s o were we gonna go. He was ready there was nothing going to stop him. I LOVE This new side of my hubby. Fishing side that is. I gave it up so long ago. Wasn’t a love of his…. I am so happy that he is ready to have fun with fishing again. MUAH baby I love you…..
Catch many tonight.
What an amazing week this has been. Hubby was feeling really well…. We went fishing… and we went out to play one night. And we have taken care of a few things around the house. Than Wednesday rolled around. Hubby started to get nauseous in the morning and it lasted all day. While we were at the hospital he was given his Dexamethasone. That was helpful, Than we got home. And WHEWEEE. By 21:00 Hubby was icky, sicky. Bucket patrol isn’t one of my strong suits. But I am getting there….
I gave him a bit of meds and ran out the door late last night to help sis. Her baby kitty passed away. She was the young age of 17years old. Sad to see her go. She was a big part of the family. She took great care of her humans and will be missed. When I got home he was snoring and stayed that way. I set the alarm for 0400 so that I could stay up on his meds. I don’t want to get behind this time, when I woke him he wasn’t sure if he could stomach it. So we made sure he was settled and he took those… right back to sleep.
This morning he was up with a smile. I made sure meds were in him all through the night and all today. So we are hanging in there with all that…. Tummy is restless. But he is keeping it under control. And is falling into the restful sleep when his body says he needs it. I am happy he is listening to his body. It is a hard thing for adults to learn. Once you have children you learn that no matter how hard you hurt or how icky your tummy is … there are others that are dependent on you. You no longer are able to think only of yourself… you have to think about the little mouths that are waiting patiently (NOT) for the breakfast to placed in front of you. So to learn to SLOW DOWN…. that is a BIG deal that is Hard to do…. it is almost imposable.
Hubby has been saying things like. I did NOTHING today. What did I contribute tot he family…..?
You honey made it through another day of this hell and you are still sitting there to hold my hand as I got to sleep. You have kept sanity for your wife one more day. You looked at my but and whistled as I bent over. You hugged your children today. You were there to give them a kiss goodnight. What did you do today? You lived…. what did you contribute….?…..LIFE.
I love you with all my heart. MUAH! * comes at you with a needle* that Time again…. No really I DO LOVE YOU!
I went into the store today to get some parts for the van. I guess I am going to be learning how to change the Lower radiator hose on the thing. Boy Wont THAT be fun. I am not sure that I am looking forward to this one. It will be a bit messier than anything that I have dealt with so far. The guys have been so sweet…. they are willing to help me. BUT I really need the car right now … so waiting isn’t part of the game. BUT I will be using them if I can’t get it figured out on my own. Need to get the man to Chemo tomorrow.
They ask me every time I am there how he is doing. SOOOOO this time I took a picture of the hubby as I was walking out the door…..That way they were able to see him for themselves. I think that it was helpful. For them and me. Than I took pictures of all the guys while they were there….. you see because I always come home to hear…. so how were all the guys. How was the store. Does it look okay…a re they busy?
So I came home with Pictures of the guys…. talking on the phone helping customers… hating me because I had a camera. LOL…. and most of all… Laughing…. He seemed happy with what I brought home to him…..
Chemo is tomorrow. See you after that…. we will have a long day. MUAH!
Would I have thought to bring the camera? NOOOOOO. The babysitters were at the house. And I left it there… you know in case I missed anything cool. And I missed 2 things that were worth pictures. I should have taken it with me… because I missed a whole 2 hours worth of pictures…. and when I got home. I missed a great SLEEPY shot. He was tired but he LOVED it….
I took my man red fishing last night for the first time ever. I figured this was a great time to do it seeing as how he has to learn how to fling out the line before it is combat conditions. He had so much fun. When we got there I set up the line… got the weight set… that takes a little messing around with the current to see how heavy to have it. Than I was out there. I was showing him how to do it. He told me… he LOVED how HOT I looked out there. Said I looked like a pro. Hell I have been doing it all my life I should Right? Right? Dad started taking me fishing when I was a wee tot… and as I was getting things done I told Hubby., this is the only type of not I know how to tie…. this is the only type of Hooks I know, this is the only thing that I REALLY payed attention too. Other than that I was along for the ride in the bow of the boat… I was there to sleep when the waves were going back and forth. But THIS… THIS was always SOOOOOO much fun to me. So I learned how… and You are the first person I have been teaching.
I stood out there for a while. Than I set him up and he threw out the line for about 25-30 min. It was the most amazing thing I have seen. He was out there having a great time. Than well… he tuckered out. So he sat and I did it for a while. There were 3 other men down there talking about how it must be a Alaskan woman thing…standing out in the river with no boots on. Nothing but shoes…. weird women. How in the world can they do that? I last 10 min… said one of them. The other said….. I wouldn’t even start… he is smarter than that. They all had a chuckle. And hubby….. hubby was beaming from ear to ear….
They told him that there wasn’t anything really out there not to feel bad that we came home with nothing. I told him we went fishing not catching…. He said…. It is the motion of fishing that is relaxing me…. I don’t care about bringing anything in….
we stopped by to see dads childhood friend on the way home… than off to home… stopping to get hubby something to eat. Than …. he CRASHED. He was tired. Slept till I made him get up for meds. Than back to sleep till the kids woke him at 7:30am…. LOL I love it.
Now I hear. Honey, I am having some weird urges… I wanna go garage sale ing…..
Babysitters…. here…. I am getting ready…. we are off…. Tell you about it latter.
I went to the kids baseball game last night. IT was wonderful…. the girl did great. And she looked like a star. But when I got home Hubby was on the couch looking not so well. He couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. He had eaten some food while I was gone though. That was GREAT. But he was in a full sweat when I got to him. I am not sure why. He has had a few fevers here and there but nothing like this sweat. Was it that he had a fever or was it the food that he was eating had so much pepper in it…?
I am happy that his boss caught him at a good moment though… I don’t think that he wanted to see hubby down like that. I got him his meds got him into bed and that was about all we could get done for a while. He was back up and moving after about 2 hours. Ran out to turn off the radio in the trailer and fell asleep. LOL….He seemed to be a bit better when he came in and crashed on the bed.
Now that we are into another morning he doesn’t seem to be “overheating” like he was last night. He is a bit tired but you know he will plunge on through the day anyway. He always does. As his H.R. Manager said… he probably got as bad as he did… because he just never slows down… Those are not the exact words but close enough for pumpkin pie.
He is thinking of getting an X box or something of the sort. Only because he has so many days in BED. Can’t get up and he wants something to do other than stare at the wall…. LOL… what he doesn’t realize is that most of the time that is really the back of his eyelids… But I wont tell if you wont. I am starting to save 5$ here and there for just that. But IF it is needed elsewhere it will be used. So that is really all I have for now.
We will be calling to find out when the scans will be. There are a lot of you out there that have been asking when the next set of scans are. SO…. I will find out and put it here… Love you all. And thank you again for all you do! You are all amazing!
Someone brought to my attention that I am failing you all by not getting enough on here. I am so sorry. I have found that when there are good days. We take advantage of those by not being here…. instead we are there…. you know over there… doing fun things….
He has had a few GREAT days. His boss came down from the BIG city today and sat here at the house with him for a while. It was neat seeing him… and he caught hubby ON a GREAT day…. I am sure it makes them feel great to see him doing better. Now … hubby gets up and starts his pacing… cleaning the floor. Not a big deal would love him to do it… but NOT when the boss is here all the way from the BIG CITY to see HIM….SHESH.. sit and talk to the man. He did after laughing at me yelling at him. Than he sat for a while… took care of one of the kids. Paced a little more….talked… and talked… and enjoyed the visit.
Thank you for taking the time to see him. I know that it was time out of your day and away from your family… and it meant SO MUCH! I am sure you know that it meant a lot…. But I don’t think you know how much it meant to us.
You see hubby worked somewhere else before your company, like most of them have,…. But this company has done so much more than the other company would have ever done. His old boss had breast cancer. And she has called and talked to us a bit. In talking to her we know what the OLD boss would have been helping out with… let me tell you…. Napa is SO MUCH BETTER… and we thank you… the love that you have shown my hubby and our family is out of this world. You mean so much to us.
We are still doing great around here. He has only had a few sours… and I think that we might get through this one relatively easy. How is that for an answer to prayers….. THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT PRAY…. even more thank you GOD.
He is tired today. That hit him with a brick in the head and he has been knocked out a good portion of the day….. * G* no I didn’t use the brick, I use a frying pan…. just so we have that cleared up. He has been sleeping today. But he has been able to eat some of my famous pancakes and bacon…. with two eggs…than for lunch he was able to chock down a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. So today…. today is a good day……
I am glad this time there has been very little nausea. I think that he gets it here and there but it is so far and few between compared to the last two weeks that we are very thankful.
Hubby has had a few friends over. It has been fun. One had kids with them 5 so theres and ours had a ball…. than last night a long time friend showed up with an off road toy…. He didn’t feel well enough to go for a ride in it. But they are planning that when he does… they are gone for the day… or so I have been told. * G* I cant wait for the day. Boy oh boy he needs to get out…. and enjoy the sun.
Well while he is sleeping I think the kids and I will go on a bike ride. Thank you all for reading. And have a great night. MUAH….
Today was Chemo day…. we are both tired. Although just like last time he is having a hard time stopping to get rest. He is antsy. I think it is anxiety knowing how he is going to feel shortly. We went in and saw hubbies co-worker that has colon cancer. He is not looking so well. It seems as though he is making a turn for the worse. I could be wrong but I don’t think that he will be with us much longer. That makes me so sad. I am in love with that man. He knows it and I made sure to give him a kiss and tell him how much he means to hubby and I. Even now I gave him ammunition…. against the hubby. It made him smile and that is what I wanted to see. He asked hubby what he was up to today and why we were at the hospital.
Hubby said “Here to get Chemo and I am not in too big a hurry….”
I said….” See there just like at work… draggin his feet and procrastinating.”
He chuckled for a while and we enjoyed seeing the smile.
It is a good thing that we keep track of what hubbies meds are that are to be given to him by the Oncology nurses and what is to be used for a breakthrough and what is to be given at the time of Chemo…. They were a bit confused today. * chuckling* Because hubby was so sick this last round … they sent him a new set of orders for Zophran for IF the nausea so bad that he can go in to them over the next few days to have the Zofran piggy backed with the normal that they give on the day of Chemo. Than at home for this round I have I.V. Meds and I have pills to help with the nausea. He has a total of 7 different ones to help. So we will see if we can get this one to go better for him.
And he is off and running…. Today he decided that he was feeling well, REALLY WELL! No sours at all… first time this round to feel this good…. 😉 really good….;)) So he went out to his mom and his dads. He has been fed…. 4 count them 4 HOT DOGS!!!!!!!!! And he ate them all… and he is still feeling good. He is playing with his remote control car today. And generally having a great time. I am sure that his mom has him in the greenhouse too. They love to mess around with the flowers. They are growing roses again this year. They were able to winter over the two that they grew last year. I have been receiving roses this year. His mom will bring them in for me and put them were he can see them. I am a lucky woman.
Get ready because tomorrow will be a hard day again. Think of us.
These week surprisingly enough has been really hard…..You have had the sours all week. Usually those start to get better by now. In the past Day nine is when the meds are able to keep your tummy in a better spot. This round has not been the case. You were so bad two days ago that you were taking the Zophran than you had a day in between that seemed to go okay…. than Last night in the evening it started all over again… the sours is what you call it. It’s those sulfur burps that you get. Anyone who is reading that has been pregnant will know what I am talking about for sure…. It isn’t that you can’t do things… it is just that every time you lean over to far or get up to fast you get one that threatens you in making your whole breakfast come back and be given to the porcelain gods.
The meds are able to keep you in a safe place over this past week. But I know that Wednesday is coming fast. I would hate to see it hit you hard because we still haven’t gotten over the last cycle’s crap.
A dear friend lost her husband to cancer. She was telling us that for her hubby it seemed to get worse and worse and worse. JUST when he thought he couldn’t do it anymore…. God Lightened the load for him and it seemed to go easier. THAT is what we are praying for…. that it will start to lighten for him. It may get worse before it gets better. I am prepared for that. But for the hubby. I pray that it isn’t much worse. He is so tired already.
Hubby, Even though you were not feeling the best. You were strong enough to be out and about yesterday. We stayed home than I noticed you were getting the car ready ( I was making more of those hats and socks for you ;)) do you need any help with that I asked. And you told me yeah I mgiht need help getting that jack out of your car. You know me. I wait for no extra invite. I ran out and did it myself. Than I hear…..
“You Brat I said HELP not do it yourself.”
“It isn’t that heavy. And I know what you asked me to do… I am just doing my own plan.”
So I finished the sock for the pair and I went outside to see you. I knew that you were fixing those spark plugs that we have been talking about for MONTHS but they are so hard to get to we have stalled. I never imagined that I would be able to help. I am NOT helpless never thought I would be … I just like watching a big strong man do neat things for me. I am spoiled by you what can I say?
This time I jumped in and asked if I could help. “I can’t seem to get off this console in here. I know it has been off before I have changed your plugs before BUT I can’t get it to move.” This is were I jumped in the car to see if I could figure out what was going on. There was a hidden clip in there that you hadn’t seen and I was able to find it with my little hands. That done you moved on and I went back in the house. Than… I thought I should help that man… I can’t see his butt from here…. so out I ran.
I got on some gloves and I helped you get the boot off that spark plug that was so hard to reach. Than your strength got the spark plug out. Than we moved on to the other side. 3 of them in a really hard spot. I found a neat place in the wheel well to house my body and to reach all those neat little plug wires, I had them all popped off in no time and our hands worked together as if they were on one body. I stayed in the spot while you handed things through the top of the engine. You had leverage that I couldn’t get from were I was. So as long as everything was were it needed to be you were able to get the parts moving.
Thank you for being patient with me and helping me learn new things. We joked after that … well if you knock off tomorrow … I know how to change the spark plugs AND change the drums calipers and pads on my brake system. In no way are we wanting that. But it is nice for you to know that I am able to take care of that car myself too. After taking it for a spin last night you felt so accomplished. You rested for a good while. Than that is when the tummy was unsettled. More than likely that was God telling you “Okay boy you have outdone yourself with teaching and doing…. time to rest.” I don’t think God needed to go to that extreme but you listened and that is a good thing.
I love you babe thank you for being with me and teaching me. I have learned more from you in the past 3 years… MUAH!
I haven’t been keeping up here very well….. Hubby had an appointment with a hew Dr. for I.M. So that we can keep him here at home for his Chemo on Thursday. He looked at the incision on his neck that STILL hadn’t healed and was infected a small bit. He was able to get most of the stitches out that they had LEFT IN. Hopefully now it will heal better. * fingers Crossed * We were able to talk about how bad the last treatment was. That he was so good for a short time…. till Thursday he just felt a little icky… than it went downhill…. and it went down fast. Hubby had been throwing up all night and I had given him meds and 30 min. latter he threw them up… here … they would tell us nothing on the phone and wouldn’t even let us talk to a nurse so that she would page the Dr…… So what do you do….?
I called and talked to the Big City and told the hospital who his oncologist was and I wanted answers. They helped me come up with a system than told me to make sure to ask the Dr. how to Take care of it from here on out 3 Dr. only 2 of them said the same thing. 1st Dr. “Under no circumstances are you to give him any meds again until it has been 4 hours….. WHAT? You want me to continue to let a chemo patient feel like shit and puke for that long….? What in the world are you thinking……? “ Okay mam is there anything I can do to help him than?”
“ Make sure that after the 4 hours you get some of the Reglan in his system after you do that get some Zophran in him …. that should work.”
So that is what we did all week. …. Now I got sick was hurting and went into our regular Dr. she said that wasn’t what she wanted me to do…. give him the meds… treat the systems with the meds…. and if it got to be to much take him into the Dr. again. So that is what i have done. Than on Thursday we got a new Internal Medicinalist at the same office… Nice Man. I told him what I had been told over the last week and how the hubby was doing. I don’t take kindly to being told that i am to let him be miserable. He already is …. he doesn’t need to be worse… so … he and I talked about how to handle the meds. Our Normal Dr….. and the Hospital in the BIG CITY…they are Right… do it that way… and have you ever thought to use suppositories….? You should have seen the man squirm…. Um…. NO! That is not something he likes to think about. Will you let me give IV meds in his Groshong? Do you feel comfortable with that…. the other Dr. in your office said NO WAY… I don’t understand why. I am fine with it and will do as you instruct……
Dr.” I’ve looked him over… ( Groshong care is in perfect order and beautiful) I feel comfortable with you doing that. It is a sterility issue and if some people are not comfortable with it than that is when they make mistakes. If you are comfortable with it you will do just fine and I am okay with you doing that. I will write up the script now and we will make sure you have more flush in the house…. sound good to you?”
Me”that sounds great…. I am happy you will let me help him without having to go into the E.R. Because he is already miserable. If it gets to bad and I am unable to handle it … I will take him in. fair?”
Than we were able to get the meds and walk out. Hubby is happy to know that he will be more comfortable. This week is starting to make him feel better….. he is up and moving again. Dr. even told him that it was sad that he would be doing this for so long and than not to mention the fact that he is only up and moving for 8 days a month… he said that must be miserable. It is… It is miserable.
Hubby, This morning you were in so much pain. I have kept you well medicated and you wanted to pull back on your meds. You felt great. So for 9 hours you had nothing… it was to long. You started to get sick again and than the pain…. OH THE PAIN….. you said … I hate this disease I know I shouldn’t hate… But I do this…. the pain goes strait through me…. it took 2 hours to catch up on it. Than you went to sleep. I am happy you are resting. Now you will know were to tell Doc the pain is when we are back int here. And who knows…. maybe in about 3 more months the pain might be better. I know you are tired of all the meds. It is a BIG handful every few hours to have to take. But we are getting you there. Slowly but you are getting there. I love you … and I am always here for you I will never change that.
Momma girl. 😉