I am going to bet that they only said what they wanted you to hear to make you think I was against you. when one of the main things that was said…. ” My kids refuse to swim with this team if SHE is NOT there…..”

Just sayin’

It has been so long since I did this and if there are people that truly want to hear about me, they will find me. Because they will know about this place. But I dont need the high school drama with the adult hurt. the uncontrollable crap that happens in an adult level that will drive many (Me included) to wanting to end it all…. so there for I am trying to take myself out of all the problems. really It will take  along time for many to realize I am gone anyway. just as if it was in real life….

Those that will notice right away… are those that are close enough to care. and those will know were to find me…. alls well that ends well…. or thats what they say anyway.

People that are so chicken manure that they use text instead of using their voice to tell someone good bye I will never talk to you again because of something that happened in a work place says a lot about their character. I thought that this person was an amazing person. I felt the best about this person. I thought they would understand that I was fighting for equality. that isn’t what happened. the “Board” if I can call it that…. decided to tell this person what was in an email to only them… and it was asking for equality that was all. asking what was happening as they SCREWED me out of my position. soooooooooo, she now has read into it what they want her to read into it.

I reread my email. and if you didn’t know what had been happening… you could read into it the  email what you wanted to believe… and that is were we sit. people that are tainting what I say or mean into what they want it to be. as if I was being Malicious .  I wasn’t and in the meeting that followed that email was me sitting in there saying that I wanted it to be HER and only HER….

But she cannot be here to hear all that. so now… on Mothers day when I should be happy and loving my children I have her texts RUINING my day… and making me want…. not to be here anymore…

SO for that… and for the reason that i am not being taken the way I want to be… I am finding my hole … this page … that NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO SAY….

I will be here in my own hole… to drown in… alone.

Last night I learned that were I had to go through a “Hiring process” to get the position I had held for over a year, the lady that has been coming in for the summer was going to be hired right away because they “Knew she was coming like every year” really?  Than I found out that they were not opening it to the public as it is a position that is hers and has been the whole time. last year she was NOT PAYED by this company just like I was not…. she was payed through the district as a lifeguard just as I was…. But Mine was open to another applicant. I tell you I AM PISSED…..

there is nothing that I can do about it. I HATE Facebook. I  am using it at this point to only get ahold of new clients for my nails. I have no idea what I plan to do with the stupid thing. But I know that I am blocking all the likes and all the games and people I never talk to … and I don’t know… it is all so confusing and stupid. ARG!

So I am now an example … as one lady said.. ” I feel they will strip it all away from you just to ‘SPIT’ you” and so they have….

so I am on my own with all this… the kids and I have been through HELL THE PAST MONTH!!!!! and I am not ready to let ANYONE in for a looooong time.

I am ready to figure it out on my own. I am going to start running again… foot be damned… there is no pool home for me. and never will be again. I am going to learn how to do this all with nothing….

DF OUT!

So today I talked to her and made sure that I would go over and get things to her. I remember Mimi bringing things people never thought of. like paper plates and bowls, tissues, plastic ware, napkins, paper towels. ect. those things were all given to me when my son died. Mimi came in with all that and so much more. food enough to feed any and all that came over to sit woth us. the plates and such were wonderful. things I had never thought of. I didnt have to do dishes at all. it was a dream. for 2 weeks I was able to be sad and not worry at all about what the kids were going to eat or about cleaning things. So I decided that it was time that I was able to pass on that wonderful blessing that had been given to me.

Whil I was on the phone with her she was saying how she was going to be out playing chicken in the car and such. I remember feeling lost like that too about my son…. But when she said she would probibly be out when I got to her place and she was leaving her girls alone at the house and that I would have to send people out to find her. I thought imidiatly that she was going to try and kill herself.

I told her I’ll take care of the girls if I show up and no ones there. well she thought I ment that I would take care of them tonight for her to go bar hopping with another one of her friends. OH BOY! well I was trying to make it happen anyway… and now with no hubby around and kids that wont stop fighting… I am stuck here and I cant take them over there. the oldest right now is unstable… so sadly I had to call and tell her the girls could come here but I cant go there. ARGGH!

oh well. so if that is the least of the crap I get myself in… I’ve done well.

I was trying to figure out what to do for my boss this year for Christmas. I know it sounds bad after all the bitching I do. Boss is a Douch… and I know that… but I decided that htis year I would get boss something… alot less personal. last year I payed for himt o get a massage. and you know what BOSS STILL HASNT USED IT! that makes me mad. that was over $100 that is still sitting on the desk! stupid ass. so this year. Boss gets only a gift cert to wallies. and kids get one for Itunes. I am done. impersonal and with no feeling put into it. last year I made sure it was something that they would enjoy … something they wanted. I’m done caring. so there for it will be itunes. than … they can use it or not. hurts me NOT!

DF OUT!

I know only one that reads this…. cause she is after all the most amazing sister in the world. thank you from the bottom of my heart. Maybe we can sit together as we watch the babies do the dances and the jingles and the music to a mommas ears!

So I am sitting at work  boss man comes in a few times… I ignore… no reason to say anything we all know he has “such a hard home life… so he’s probibly just taking it out on you” … cause Im safe and all.

than many of the kids slip away and come see me. the ones that came in are special kids…. who am I kidding they all are… they knew I couldnt be there so wanted to take the time to see me and say thank you. it ment more than anything…

so here is what I hear from the kids and parents. MANY of them know just by instict that he is mad at me. they can see the tension, hell they could cut it with a knife.

This slide show goes up of all the season that one of the girls makes. She is so talented… everytime a picture of me went up all the kids started screaming and hooting and cheering. Love AUNT DF. Well you know it is not Apropriat for kids to say that…. it crosses a line you know…. and well… one of the parents watched his every reaction and it wasnt good. he was PISSED. almost purple/red in the face everytime they screamed for me.

I will pay for it at work. that is all there is to say about that. He will make me pay for the fact that the kids like me. BUGGER!

Coaches asked me to help with Paper plate awards because the asst. coach last year did it and they didnt know what to do. so I figured out the whole team … read em off to them and it was all good natured humor things. they liked them. than because you know who was so pissed at me…. I was never asked about it again. after putting in the work for it. he lets one of the kids do it instead. WTFE!

Here is what got me. last year they were thankful … last year they acknowleged how thankful they were.

This year I did more work. “KNOWING” that I had applied for the asst coach position and I started in the first night…. and Coach J was all happy about it. I did ALL THE PAPERWORK. I kept everything in order. I did anything they asked of me. than after 4 weeks and he was ahead…. Im shit on and told I cant get it because Im an hourly payed employee…. I will aply again next year. and get this… WHEN I DO AND THEY TURN ME DOWN I WILL BRING UP THAT COACH J IS HOURLY AS WELL AND HAS BEEN ALL 3 YEARs SHE HAS COACHED. go ahead fuck with me…. Ill push back and than the best damned coach we have ever had wil be out.

Im pissed. I dont get it. they have me doing all this extra work. and I dont care cause its for the kids. and they have said I am a shoe in. than the kids are all used to me being somewhat in charge. when they tel me they wont be there. I tell em to talk to Coaches but Coaches get pissed cause they talked to me first…. your kidding. put me in the role than say it isnt okay. so back off I go… than it still isnt better.

NOTHING and I say NOTHING was mentioned about me. I dont want STUFF… I am not that type… and I know I shouldnt want to be recognized either. but it is human nature and I am hurt over it. I shouldnt be but I am.

DF OUT!

I guess while they were in a meeting…. it was explained that they could deside what they wanted BUT MY BOSS has the all mighty say so. So Depmocracy it isnt… it is the Dictatorship of my BOSS!

so I sent an email to all of them about what I would like to do. and I talked to one of them today (as I said above) she said if it was up to her than she would say “HEY KIDS COME FIRST. I dont care.”  But she had no idea when they volluntered for this possition that they would have to decide wether or not I would work on a  night. she isnt comfortable with Boss man saying it is up to them but he gets final say so on everything.

YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!!!!!!!

So I sent another email to him today…. I want the December Schedual. NOW. I want him to say yes or no…. BUT I put it…

December 2nd is the end of this session.

December 5th -15th would be next session…. OK?

Schools out Dec 16th – Jan 3rd
- What has ”Powers that be” decided for  that time

- Private lesson Parents want to know what we are doing for lessons

I hope that puts a bit of a stire in his shorts. tell me that they make the decisions so that I cant have time off. I AM ALREADY MISSING MY SONS DEAL TONIGHT! Makes me pissy.  Makes me hate working there. and I love my job with kids…. I am good at it … I really am………

But this will force his hand. i might even send the letter to all of the board members as well. see what they decide for the 2 week vacation. than I suppose he will just HAVE to work the days they say… seeing as how they make the desicions.

DF OUT!

This is a test of the Emergency Sister Update.

If your Emergency Sister Update does not work….

Well. Get a new Emergency Sister. Hehehe.